Guilt can stem from behavior learned in childhood that prevents progress in life; For this reason, it is important to identify its origin and resolve it.
The sense of guilt is an unpleasant and painful feeling. This makes us insecure every step and immerse ourselves with shame and fear of what can happen and that, without hope, always happens. But what does this give rise to?
You must look back, childish, past most of our traumas and fears. How did our parents treat us? What kind of reinforcement do we receive? Did they give an education founded on fear?
Although the carp should not give much importance to the education given by the parents, in reality, their way of relating to us can make sense of the lack of an integral part of our lives as adults. Let’s see how this happens.
The feeling of guilt and fear of punishment
For the punishment we don’t just mean the classic punishments, which we know well, like “Go to” his room “or” Tonight you skip my dinner. There are other punishments that make it much more evil and leave deep emotional wounds, which will open up in adulthood.
One form of punishment is to remove the word to your children. Suddenly Children can no longer interact with their parents. They talk to them, but do not receive an answer. They feel so alone, abandoned, scared, but most of all they feel guilty.
Another punishment you can enjoy. Some parental reactions were blown out of proportion to an event, resulting in phrases like “Why did you do this?” Or “You don’t deserve it.” All this causes a sense of guilt that the child irreparably absorbs.
word called by parents, every attitude towards children can cause feelings that can cause different problems Once you become adults. However, by recognizing the origin of these feelings, it is possible to combat them. It is not easy, but it is possible.
Why do we feel the feeling of guilt?
In order to stop feeling guilty as the source is identified, it is extremely important to ask why it is seen. Here are some examples:
- I feel guilty that a friend may be mad at me if I don’t do what he wants or if I think differently about him.
- I feel guilty if a loved one suddenly doesn’t respond immediately to a message. I think he was able to have said something that offended him or that he is mad at me (for no apparent reason).
- I feel guilty because I feel guilty. I think that I do not claim, I do not deserve anything and I am a smaller person than the others.
As you can see, guilt and low self-esteem are concepts that will almost go hand in hand. In many of these examples, insecurity is referred to, poor frustration tolerance, fear of abandonment, etc.
The last example is the most curious “I feel guilty because I feel guilty.” However, it is much more common than it seems. People who feel guilty about everything can go to these extremes.
STOP SENT CULTY
To stop feeling guilty It is important to start, first, a job to strengthen self-esteem. In this way, it will be possible to eliminate these insecurities and fears that contribute to keeping this feeling alive.
Later, it will be necessary to identify the contexts in which the failure arises. Are you referring to the fear that someone might get angry with us? Does it emerge when someone does not respect our opinions? This can give us an idea of such situations that come together for the episodes of our childhood that gave rise to the feeling of guilt.
The last thing to do is to become aware of the above, and not blame the parents (even if so). It is necessary to take responsibility and work to better manage emotions.
Whenever the fault arises, ask yourself why it is there. Most upvotes will realize that there is no reason to test this feeling and that we sometimes anticipate events that haven’t happened yet in an attempt to avoid it. And you feel like saying goodbye to guilt?
It may interest you… Read more Holyca: Don’t let someone make you feel guilty
The only person authorized to make us feel guilty is ourselves, so we must learn to set limits for others from this little one…
- Hamilton, A. (2008). Feeling good about feeling guilty. 18 (4) Eureka Street, 3-4.
- nelissen, RM (2022). Guilt-induced automatic punishment as a sign of remorse. Psychological Science and Social Personality, 3(2), 139-144.
- INBAR, Y., Pizarro, DA, Gilovich, T., Ariely, D. (2022). Moral masochism: on the connection between guilt and self-punishment. Emotion, 13 (1), 14.